Jello-shot Epiphanies

So, in case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t been posting as much in the last couple of weeks. I’ve got lots of excuses, but in general the problem has been that I’ve just gotten really busy. SOOOOO, I asked a friend if she’d like to help me out with a post. She doesn’t have her own blog, so I can’t give you a link.

But, this is a person who can always make me laugh and smile. She makes me WANT to shake of those Goody-Two Shoes that are perpetually glued to my feet and get into trouble! I have good influence friends and not-so-good influence friends and Denise is definitely a not-so-good influence friend. But she’s soooo much fun!

I met Denise years ago when I was working for the local newspapers and she’s been a great friend over the years. She’s also a wonderful writer. She usually writes fiction, but is going non-fiction just for me!

Thanks, Chica!

BTW, I’ve always wanted to try Jello-shots…maybe I will sometime…

Let me know if you like what you are reading, ’cause I’m trying to talk her into starting a blog of her own! So, without further ado…

Jello-shot epiphanies

I must have one of those quirky metabolisms that can not only fuel itself with alcohol, but actually craves it. I mean, I thrive on the stuff. Now, that’s not to say that I’m one bender away from joining AA, but suffice it to say, when I’m on a tear, things get torn.

I also like to think that I come to some really profound conclusions while giving my body Vitamin “A”lcohol. Some that I’d like to share with in in the most un-Charlie Sheen-ish way possible:

  1. Ingesting whiskey with Jello is just good nutrition. Even if it does turn your tongue green, it’s like having dinner with a drink. So you’re running about equal parts dinner and drink, but that’s called balance.

     

  2. In March, there’s a little Irish in all of us. Or else we want a little Irish in us…that’s always confused me. Regardless, I am a little Irish, birthed from the Vikings who took Irish lasses as wives, and I was raised to be fierce. So whatever works for you in that little scenario, feel free to use.

     

  3. Just because I can’t turn away from the train wreck, doesn’t mean I want to get involved with it. This one is pretty self-explanatory. By all means, give me the dirt, tell me where to look and what I should be seeing when I do. Tell me all the gruesome details…the more the better. However, don’t ask me to get involved. I’m not the one to be the peacemaker or (God forbid!) the Moral Compass. No, I’m no one’s moral compass. I shudder even thinking that. I’m merely an observer of the stage. Not. A. Participant.

     

  4. Hot girls most certainly do wear glasses. And if you’re hot and not wearing glasses, you’re just selling yourself short. I don’t care, get a pair of readers, steal a pair of the try-ons at the WalMart Vision Center. Get yourself a pair of glasses and live to your hotness potential.

     

  5. I am way smarter than I give myself credit for. This is a good epiphany to end on. Alcohol gives me leave to realize my full potential. It liberates me and makes me understand that I am, without a doubt, nothing short of genius. My genius flows through in wit and sarcasm and humor beyond compare. I am effervescent in my charm and coyness.

So there you have it. Jello shot epiphanies. Use the knowledge, don’t abuse the alcohol and for god’s sake, use your toothbrush on your tongue the next morning!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s